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Let’s Talk About Sex: Week 11

This is the eleventh session of our fall 2015 Wednesday night Adult series. Our topic this week is “How to have Difficult Conversations.” We’re making these podcasts available if you are unable to join us on Wednesday nights in the fellowship hall. You are also invited to join us on Sunday mornings from 9:30 to 10:15am in the parlor to discuss the previous Wednesday’s topic. These sessions will be led by Rev. Kristen Koger.

Schedule for the Series

Introductions and Context
September 9
Week 1 – Introduction, Ground Rules, and Big Questions

September 16
Week 2 – Sexuality and Objectification in Contemporary Culture

Sex and Sexuality in the Bible
September 23
Week 3 – Sex and Sexuality in the Old Testament, part 1

September 30
Week 4 – Sex and Sexuality in the Old Testament, part 2

October 7
Week 5 – Sex and Sexuality in the New Testament, part 1

October 14
Week 6 – Sex and Sexuality in the New Testament, part 2

Healthy Sexual Relationships Today
October 21
Week 7 – The Biology of Sexuality

October 28
Week 8 – Sex and Marriage

November 4
Week 9 – How to Talk to your Young Children about Sex and Sexuality

November 11
Week 10 – How to Talk to your Teenagers about Sex and Sexuality

November 18
Week 11 – How to have Difficult Conversations

December 2
Week 12 – Dealing with Shame and Guilt

December 9
Week 13 – Toward a New Theology of Sexuality (Closing session)

tbc Media

Sexuality Series (2015)

Let’s Talk About Sex: A Conversation about Sexuality and the Church

Fall 2015 Wednesday Evening Adult Study

Series Topics

Introductions and Context
September 9
Week 1 – Introduction, Ground Rules, and Big Questions

September 16
Week 2 – Sexuality and Objectification in Contemporary Culture

Sex and Sexuality in the Bible
September 23
Week 3 – Sex and Sexuality in the Old Testament, part 1

September 30
Week 4 – Sex and Sexuality in the Old Testament, part 2

October 7
Week 5 – Sex and Sexuality in the New Testament, part 1

October 14
Week 6 – Sex and Sexuality in the New Testament, part 2

Healthy Sexual Relationships Today
October 21
Week 7 – The Biology of Sexuality

October 28
Week 8 – Sex and Marriage

November 4
Week 9 – How to Talk to your Young Children about Sex and Sexuality

November 11
Week 10 – How to Talk to your Teenagers about Sex and Sexuality

November 18
Week 11 – How to have Difficult Conversations

December 2
Week 12 – Dealing with Shame and Guilt

December 9
Week 13 – Toward a New Theology of Sexuality (Closing session)

 

Let’s Talk About Sex:
A Conversation about Sexuality and the Church

This fall, TBC is offering a Wednesday night series entitled “Let’s Talk About Sex: A Conversation about Sexuality and the Church.” Sexuality and sexual orientation have been in politics and the news a lot lately, and there have been relevant developments closer to home. The time is right to talk at length about these questions. What do we as individuals and as a church believe about sex and sexuality? What messages do we and our children get from our culture and media? What does the Bible say about marriage, divorce, cohabitation, same-sex relationships, gender, and childbearing? What exactly constitutes “good (i.e., ethical) sex”? When and how should we talk to our children about sexuality? The answers to these questions have a bearing on us all as individuals and as a church.

We don’t tend to talk about sex in church much, and when we do it’s often in negative terms: “Don’t do this” and “Don’t do that.” Instead of getting real help from the church on this important topic, we end up getting (mis)information and mixed messages from culture and the media. Here at TBC, we believe that the church is the place where we can and should talk about sexuality in positivity and healthy ways. So we’re going to talk about sex.

And we are going to try to do it with as much honesty and integrity as possible. The topic of sexuality can be contentious, so we’re going to share multiple view-points and admit when we don’t have all the answers. We’re going to speak and listen with respect and be willing to be vulnerable as we wrestle with the topic. We’ll find that we don’t agree on everything but we will offer love and care for one another and break bread together. We will find unity even in our diversity, as we celebrate the goodness of God’s creation and the goodness of our bodies.

Just a quick head’s up for all of you who have children and young ones, or those who blush easily when this topic comes up: We will use anatomically correct words for body parts. We will talk about specific sexual acts (intercourse, etc.), but will not describe them in graphic detail. We recognize that this is a challenging, awkward subject for some, so we will be sensitive and use care as we discuss sensitive topics. We will also provide time for Q&A and discussion each week.

We are excited about this series. We hope it gives us permission to talk about things that we should be talking about, but more often than not avoid altogether because of embarrassment or shame. We trust that you’ll find something helpful in your own life as we grapple together with these questions. And we trust that the conversation moves us as individuals and as a church forward in healthy ways.

We’re looking forward to the conversation.

Grace and Peace,
Art Wright and Tracy Hartman

tbc Media

Let’s Talk About Sex: Week 10

This is the tenth session of our fall 2015 Wednesday night Adult series. Our topic this week is “How to Talk to your Teenagers about Sex and Sexuality.” We’re making these podcasts available if you are unable to join us on Wednesday nights in the fellowship hall. You are also invited to join us on Sunday mornings from 9:30 to 10:15am in the parlor to discuss the previous Wednesday’s topic. These sessions will be led by Rev. Kristen Koger.

Tentative Schedule for the Series

Introductions and Context
September 9
Week 1 – Introduction, Ground Rules, and Big Questions

September 16
Week 2 – Sexuality and Objectification in Contemporary Culture

Sex and Sexuality in the Bible
September 23
Week 3 – Sex and Sexuality in the Old Testament, part 1

September 30
Week 4 – Sex and Sexuality in the Old Testament, part 2

October 7
Week 5 – Sex and Sexuality in the New Testament, part 1

October 14
Week 6 – Sex and Sexuality in the New Testament, part 2

Healthy Sexual Relationships Today
October 21
Week 7 – The Biology of Sexuality

October 28
Week 8 – Sex and Marriage

November 4
Week 9 – How to Talk to your Young Children about Sex and Sexuality

November 11
Week 10 – How to Talk to your Teenagers about Sex and Sexuality

November 18
Week 11 – How to have Difficult Conversations

December 2
Week 12 – Dealing with Shame and Guilt

December 9
Week 13 – Toward a New Theology of Sexuality (Closing session)

tbc Media

Let’s Talk About Sex: Week 9

This is the ninth session of our fall 2015 Wednesday night Adult series. Our topic this week is “How to Talk to your Young Children about Sex and Sexuality.” We’re making these podcasts available if you are unable to join us on Wednesday nights in the fellowship hall. You are also invited to join us on Sunday mornings from 9:30 to 10:15am in the parlor to discuss the previous Wednesday’s topic. These sessions will be led by Rev. Kristen Koger.

Tentative Schedule for the Series

Introductions and Context
September 9
Week 1 – Introduction, Ground Rules, and Big Questions

September 16
Week 2 – Sexuality and Objectification in Contemporary Culture

Sex and Sexuality in the Bible
September 23
Week 3 – Sex and Sexuality in the Old Testament, part 1

September 30
Week 4 – Sex and Sexuality in the Old Testament, part 2

October 7
Week 5 – Sex and Sexuality in the New Testament, part 1

October 14
Week 6 – Sex and Sexuality in the New Testament, part 2

Healthy Sexual Relationships Today
October 21
Week 7 – The Biology of Sexuality

October 28
Week 8 – Sex and Marriage

November 4
Week 9 – How to Talk to your Young Children about Sex and Sexuality

November 11
Week 10 – How to Talk to your Teenagers about Sex and Sexuality

November 18
Week 11 – How to have Difficult Conversations

December 2
Week 12 – Dealing with Shame and Guilt

December 9
Week 13 – Toward a New Theology of Sexuality (Closing session)

tbc Church Business

Realizing Our God-Sized Vision:  It Is Our Story, And It Is A Story of Faith.

During our recent Quarterly Business Meeting, Nelson Melton provided church members present with an important update from the Construction & Renovation Committee.    For those of you who were not able to attend that church meeting, Nelson plans to repeat this update on a Wednesday night in the near future, and perhaps again on a Sunday prior to church services.  We want everyone to be aware of the necessary changes to the originally planned phases of construction and related costs.  And if you would like a refresher for information that you have heard, we will be showing the presentation on the video monitor in the Meadow Street foyer in the near future.

Increased Costs
Our General Contractor, Kjellstrom & Lee, received actual bids from the Richmond construction market based on finalized architectural drawings.  Our finalized drawings reflect the due diligence completed by our architectural firm, Huff-Morris, addressing the City’s interpretation of National Fire Code and City building codes.  The bids obtained and summarized are indicative of a larger scope of work than the Construction & Renovation Committee knew about before completion of all of the architectural due diligence with the City.  The larger scope of work includes:

  • Add a Sprinkler System/Pump House for the Williams Building
  • Install Larger Water Pipes to the Church Building to Maintain Water Pressure
  • Complete Asbestos Abatement for the Williams Building, Needed When We Add the Sprinkler System
  • Install a New Electrical Service for the Williams Building
  • Totally Separate the Williams Building and Church Building to Meet Fire Code Requirements by such changes as permanently closing some windows on the Williams Building Side of the Church Building
    Note:  If we do not implement the fire code requirements outlined by the City to totally separate the Williams Building and the Church building, we would need to install a sprinkler system in both the Williams Building and the entire Church building.  The cost and functional requirements of adding a sprinkler system to the Church would be prohibitive.

In addition to the larger scope of work, construction costs have gone up significantly over the past year and a half.  These factors combined result in the actual bids for our planned changes to be double what the cost was estimated to be in late 2013.  Our previous estimate was around $2 million.  The actual costs today total $4 million.

What Do We Do Next?

The Construction & Renovation Committee recommends that we proceed with the next four sequences of construction, with sequences modified from what was planned and presented in our last update.  The sequence shown below starts with Sequence 2, understanding that we completed Sequence 1 this past summer with improvements made in the Fellowship Hall area.   Details for how we proceed with Sequences 3 – 5 will be revealed in January 2016, after we have had the opportunity to engage more of our congregation in decisions needed related to that construction.  Current funds raised will be used to complete this work.

  • Sequence 2.  Remove Asbestos in Row Houses, Obtain Demolition Permit from Richmond City, Add New Roof for the Williams Building
  • Sequence 3.  Complete New Church Building Gathering Place
  • Sequence 4. Relocate Existing Church Offices
  • Sequence 5. Complete New Church Building Sunday School Classrooms

Sequences 6 – 10 as shown below will require raising additional funds.  Bill Welstead and the Follow-up Sub-Committee are working on fundraising strategies that will enable us to finish the work in these sequences.  This is a challenge that we know God will guide us through.  This is not the first time that our Church has been at a crossroads.  As in the past, we will continue extraordinary efforts to meet this challenge, knowing that the changes to be made in our structures are meant to nurture our spiritual missions.  With your prayers and support, we will realize the Vision that God has for us.  This is our story, and it is a story of faith.

  • Sequence 6. Move Child Care & Family Ministry Operations into Church Building
  • Sequence 7. 
    • Demolish the Two Row Houses
    • Complete Construction of Office Complex, Child Care & Family Ministries Space, & Demolition of 3rd Floor
    • Remove Asbestos in the Williams Building
    • Install Sprinkler System in New Offices & Williams Building
    • Install New Elevator
    • Remodel the Williams bldg. 1st and 2nd Floors
    • Sequence 8. Landscape & Hardscape of New Area in Front of New Offices
    • Sequence 9. Move Child Care Operation back into the William’s Building; New Church and Child Care offices are occupied
    • Sequence 10. Remodel Third floor of the William’s Building for New Parsonages and Visiting Student Bunk Rooms.

As always, feel free to reach out to any of our committee members for information related to our Construction and Renovation plans.   Committee members include:  Nelson Melton, Bill Welstead, Kathy McGraw, Jim McMurray, Sterling Severns, and Donna Soyars.

Your continued prayers for our Vision and how we realize that Vision are greatly appreciated!

tbc Media

Let’s Talk About Sex: Week 8

This is the eighth session of our fall 2015 Wednesday night Adult series. Our topic this week is “Sex and Marriage.” We’re making this podcast available if you were unable to join us this past Wednesday night in the fellowship hall. You will find the case studies and guidelines for discussion mentioned in the podcast available below. Conversation around tables was a major component of this week’s session. You are also invited to join us this coming Sunday morning from 9:30 to 10:15am in the parlor to discuss this topic and these case studies. This session will be led by Rev. Kristen Koger.

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Directions for Case Studies:  

FIRST:  Read through all the case studies briefly.  Then, with your table group, dig deeper into the one that is starred.  Choose at least two of the four ways to read the Bible below and talk about the case from that perspective.  (Try to view the case from each perspective—even if you do not agree with one or more of them.)

4 ways to read the Bible (adapted from God, Desire, and a Theology of Human Sexuality by Jensen)

  1. As a guidebook or rulebook
  2. As an artifact/relic that is now irrelevant
  3. As a foundational text that needs interpreted in light of ancient and modern cultural contexts (like the U.S. Constitution)
  4. As a narrative of desire (God’s desire to be in relationship with us becomes paradigmatic for our own desire for relationship with others).

THEN:  Review Jensen’s five markers below.  Do you believe that they are valid markers for determining whether relationships are ethical?  Why or why not?  Apply the markers to your case and see if/how it informs your thinking about the case.  If there are other markers that you prefer, apply those and see if you come to a different conclusion.

5 markers for how sex fulfills its purposes for life (from God, Desire, and a Theology of Human Sexuality by Jensen)

  1. Consent
  2. Mutuality
  3. Covenant and Trust
  4. Community
  5. Joy

THIRD:  If you have time, choose one of the questions below to discuss
Do these ways of reading Scripture and the five markers provide helpful tools for you to use in talking to your children and/or grandchildren about sex? Why or why not?
Do these ways of reading Scripture and the five markers provide helpful tools for having conversation about complex contemporary relationships?  Why or why not?

FINALLY:  Appoint a spokesperson for your group.  Report briefly on any conclusions that you reached about the ethics of your particular case.  Then report on how your table handled disagreements that arose.  What can you learn from your conversation that might apply to larger conversations?

Case Studies

  1. The case of financial considerations.  Jason and Nancy are both widows who began dating over a year ago.  They have come realize that they would like to spend their remaining years together.  However, both depend in part on their social security benefits each month, and they stand to lose a large chunk of this income of they are legally married.  They decide to forgo a marriage license, yet enter into a covenant relationship with one another before God.
  2. Frank was raised in the church and became a Christian as a pre-teen.  As he grew, he began to struggle with his sexual orientation.  After trying several “recovery” programs without success, he grew to understand that his sexual orientation was not a choice.  He followed the teaching of his church and remained celibate for several years, but found himself lonely. Two years ago he met Steve and they hit it off immediately.  Soon they realized that they were soul mates and wanted to formalize their relationship. Even though gay marriage is now legal, Frank still struggles with his church’s teachings about homosexuality.
  3. David’s wife, Pam, has dementia and lives in a residential care facility.  He visits her every day and lovingly assists with her care, even though she has not recognized him or had a coherent conversation with him in over two years. A year ago, his long-time neighbor and friend, Stephanie lost her husband to cancer. Since they shared similar stories, David and Stephanie would chat over the back fence  – exchanging updates and encouraging each other in their care-giving roles.  Recently the two have realized that their feelings have progressed beyond friendship. Barring a miracle, Pam will never improve, yet she might live for 5-10 more years as she is.  Is it ethical for David to enter into a committed relationship with Stephanie in this case?
  4. Nancy was the victim of sexual violence as teen. As a young adult, she is so terrified at the thought of physical intimacy that she has dated very little.  Six months ago she met Eric and they began to spend time together. The relationship is going well. Nancy trusts Eric and he is aware of and accepting of her past.  Nancy’s therapist suggests that they begin to slowly explore sexual intimacy and deal with the issues that will arise for Nancy before they consider marriage.
  5. Christopher went to seminary in the northeast as a second career student.  He and his wife  and their two children moved into married student housing.  Chris knew that seminary would be a time of personal growth and questioning, but he was unprepared when issues emerged about his sexual orientation.  With the help of a pastoral counselor, he finally shared his struggles with his wife.  Although the news was devastating to her, she encouraged Chris in his searching, suggesting that he explore sexual activity with another man before they made a permanent decision about their own marriage.

Tentative Schedule for the Series

Introductions and Context
September 9
Week 1 – Introduction, Ground Rules, and Big Questions

September 16
Week 2 – Sexuality and Objectification in Contemporary Culture

Sex and Sexuality in the Bible
September 23
Week 3 – Sex and Sexuality in the Old Testament, part 1

September 30
Week 4 – Sex and Sexuality in the Old Testament, part 2

October 7
Week 5 – Sex and Sexuality in the New Testament, part 1

October 14
Week 6 – Sex and Sexuality in the New Testament, part 2

Healthy Sexual Relationships Today
October 21
Week 7 – The Biology of Sexuality

October 28
Week 8 – Sex and Marriage

November 4
Week 9 – How to Talk to your Young Children about Sex and Sexuality

November 11
Week 10 – How to Talk to your Teenagers about Sex and Sexuality

November 18
Week 11 – How to have Difficult Conversations

December 2
Week 12 – Dealing with Shame and Guilt

December 9
Week 13 – Toward a New Theology of Sexuality (Closing session)